Mary Kaufmann

2024-10-15

Read Time: 5 mins

A Question Can Change Your Life

engagement leadership
How can I improve?

A simple question like “how can I improve?” holds the power to enhance both our work and personal lives. By asking for feedback or staying open to it, we plug into a path of growth and impact. This openness not only makes us better at what we do but also deepens our influence and connections with others.

I learned this lesson early in my career. My company required us to gather 360-degree feedback from peers, leaders, and those we led. It wasn’t anonymous, we received the responses directly —and we had to compile the results ourselves. While it was tied to raises (we had to prove we did it without sharing the results), the experience was personal. It gave us a chance to reflect on the feedback in our own way.

Do Performance Reviews Work?

That experience was far more meaningful than any of my performance reviews. I learned about my work habits, my strengths, and areas where I could improve. And, I wasn’t just getting one person’s perspective—I was getting feedback that was personal and relevant and I gained first hand insights from a variety of viewpoints.

I learned that people appreciated my drive and work ethic, my determination to solve problems and see things through. But I also learned that my habit of finishing others’ sentences – being eager to move the conversation forward – was frustrating for others. I realized that my strength—my quick thinking—was also a weakness, holding me back from being the kind of person that people listened to and wanted to work with. This was such a surprise to me and I immediately took it to heart and paused to yield to others. I worked at this to get better – seeking progress over perfection.

Carrying it Onward and Upward

Later, I incorporated cultivating 360 learning into my teaching at Muskingum University in MISST (now their MBA program). Graduate students designed and facilitated a similar 360-degree feedback process as a part of their learning. Over the years, countless graduates told me that it was one of the most eye-opening and transformative experience from their program. They realized the value of uncovering their blind spots and were able to make real and tangible changes to be more influential.

Why Don’t We Do It? Asking for feedback is a great way to improve so why don’t we do it? Some people don’t do it because they’re too busy or they don’t even think about it. Others just don’t care or they’re scared of what others might say. But if you listen to what others think, you can get better at what you do. Ask yourself, “why don’t I do it?”

Another “A-Ha” Feedback Moment

A few years ago, I gathered a small group of colleagues and openly asked them for feedback. I’ll never forget the conversation that changed the way I view my work habits. Someone pointed out that I had a tendency to be late to online meetings—a habit I wasn’t aware of. I thought I was doing the right thing by giving each meeting the time it needed, avoiding cutting people off mid-sentence to finish the meeting on-time. But my colleagues saw it differently. For those waiting on the next call, it felt like I didn’t value their time. I had no idea.

That moment stunned me. I had never considered that my good intentions in one meeting were causing frustration in another. I felt bad for the unintended consequences of my actions, but I was grateful they cared enough to tell me the truth. Without their feedback, I would have continued unknowingly frustrating others.

From that day forward, I made an effort to improve. I started setting firmer boundaries for meeting times and became more mindful of time management. For upcoming meetings when I knew I could not be “on-time,” I’d send a quick Slack message, so no one would be left wondering if I wouldn’t be there. I wasn’t perfect, but the progress was real.

Feedback is the Breakfast of Champions

These experiences remind me that feedback is a gift, “the breakfast of champions,” so to speak. A simple question—“How can I be better to work with?”—opened my eyes to a blind spot I didn’t know I had.

Kim Scott, author of Radical Candor, tailors her “getting feedback” question to get people to open up and tell her the truth. She asks, “What could I do or stop doing that would make it easier to work with me?” She emphasizes the importance of asking this question in a way that shows genuine interest in receiving feedback, rather than simply going through the motions.

So, if you have feedback for me, bring it on. I welcome it, and I see it as fuel for my future.

Final Thoughts

People often have great ideas that can help us do better. But they might not tell us unless we ask. So, let’s be open to hearing what others have to say. Even if we don’t agree, we should listen and say thank you. This shows that we value their opinions. And remember, if we want people to trust us, we need to show them that we’re willing to learn and grow.